Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Letter to the Thieves

Dear Thieves,

Okay, keep the copper plumbing, the mountain bike, the scanner, printer, Pentax camera, digital camera, telephoto lens, roller blades, TV, VCR, the foreign language VHS tapes, Mitzi's earrings, South American jewelry, my irrelevant Sundance pass, the fur coats, the Shop Vac, and even the timers on the lamps.

But it would be swell if you returned the sewing box full of love letters. Or just the love letters.

The family heirloom quilt made by my grandfather's womenfolk on the occasion of his fighting in WWI--I'll buy it back.

And I'm just wondering:
what the hell are you going to do with the dildo?

12 comments:

Maureen McHugh said...

Oh, no. Amy, I'm so sorry!

sarah willis said...

Amy, this is both one of the saddest and funniest things I've read in a long time. Mostly really sad, but I love the last line!

PS, I'm really enjoying your blob. You write beautifully.

sarah willis said...

blog, I meant blog

Amy said...

Sarah, sometimes I feel like a blob!

Erin O'Brien said...

You can borrow my dildo, anytime. I just washed it.

As for love letters, here's the first replacement:

I love you.

Erin

Libby Spencer said...

Oh Amy. I lost everything to thieves once. I didn't mind losing the ruby glass goblets so much but they took all my photographs. What were they going to do with photos of my kid growing up. I still feel a pang when I remember a certain shot that I can't look at anymore.

Here's your next love letter. I love you for this post. It so captures the feeling I had when it happened.

Amy said...

Erin and Libby, thanks for the love letters. Sweet.

~d said...

(Jeez, someone stole your flippin LOVE letters?)
That is so heartless. And I am very sorry. I hope you at least still have your love.

~d

Grovewood Boy said...

I was very depressed to read that. I hope that was a freakish isolated incident. I was robbed this summmer as well but it was something left outside in the back yard.

Amy said...

I just heard today that one of the thieves (who was caught during an earlier robbery) was knifed by someone on New Year's Eve and is in intensive care. Hmm.

Grovewood Boy said...

Knifed? He will be OK. The blade entered in the hollow where his heart was supposed to be......

Amy said...

very poetic...and true.